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October 26 伤心和决望很久没有用中文来写任何文章了，现在用中文写布落格，还有点不习惯的感觉。。。不过，这次写的内容并不是开心的。。 总觉得自己已经变了很多，如果要是以前的话，老早就悲伤到死去活来。。。但是，现在的我竟然没有这种感觉！！虽然很早就已经知道他有很多东西瞒着我，我并不是不怀疑，只是不想这样做。但是，自己是骗不了的。终于趁着他洗澡的时候，悄悄的看他的手机短讯。虽然我很清楚自己的行为很不道德，在这样的情形之下，也只好干一次了。。。 果然不出我所料，我看到了不该看的讯息，当然我不会在这里详谈，如果他找人帮他翻译我在着里写的文章的话，我也不理会了，反而让你知道了也好。。。 我很清楚自己近来很繁忙，真的忙的不可开交。有可能你比较寂寞，我没有时间陪伴你，也不能完全怪你。也难怪你近来如此神神秘秘，好像在逃避很怕我知道你在做什么。。。。 现在你每次都很晚才回家，但是，我认为你是回酒店。你只是回来睡觉而已，然后早上就去上班，半夜才回来。这不是酒店是什么？ 总觉得我已经迷失了自己，表面上看起来好像蛮正常的，但是内心乱的不得了。。。心已经没有了感觉，好像死了很久，也不明白为什么还在一起。。。是依依不舍吗？还是在珍惜以往的回忆和过去？还是爱面子？我真的不知道。。。 我很希望知道自己是多心和敏感，当我的到证据的时候，我再次的给你多一次机会，但是你始终都没有对我坦白。由那个时刻开始，我的心就死了，也不想在问你任何问题。因为答案都不是真的，只会让你说多一次谎言来伤害我。。。 当我写这文章的时候，我还怀疑你到底是不是我真正喜欢和爱的人。半年前，我还相信。现在的我不敢说，也不想下决定。正如他人所说，缘份尽了，也只好分开。我并不是不想挽救，而是不知道有没有这个必要。。。 September 16 AppreciationToday early in the morning, just felt bored and on my laptop, suddenly the message of "Low Disk Space" appear on the task bar. I only realize that it's been ages that I never do "house keeping" for my laptop, so I just took out my external storage device and starting to transfer some of my downloaded stuffs to external storage so my internal storage can be increased.
While I'm searching which files/folders can be removed, suddenly just saw a folder that "we" took the picture in lotsa occasions, anniversary, birthday, at home, dinner, vacation etc.... Just wondered when we start quarrel earlier, did both of our mind appear the word "Appreciate", I'm doubt about myself, not sure about "you". Have you ever think the moment that we've been together? The happy moment that etched in our heart and soul? I don't know.
Maybe it's my fault, or maybe not. We'd been promising each other that sharing whatever problems that we faced, but you keep on hiding it from me and giving with the reason that you don't want me to worry about you. If you don't want me to realise about your problem, then don't show it on your face! I'm not stupid and I'm not senseless.........
But whatever it is, whether it's positive or negative, I'll be just happy or sad, and I couldn't choose what result I want. Pressure + Handling ProblemsIt's been a while that I never enter this site to update my blog, and even online to MSN and chat with my dearly friends. Thanks for them that still concern about me and never forget that I am still exist in this world.
After getting promoted as higher management level personnel, everything started to change, the major changes, of course, the responsibility and workloads compare to the previous position. Company expansion created more headache to me to manage the staffs, politics and performances of myself. Everyday work more than I should (I'm not complaining) but I do really love my job at the moment.
Sometimes I really do not know whether my decision is right or wrong, and particular person claimed that I giving too much pressure to him, pushing him and make him stay away from me. Quarrel exist very often compare to last time. I don't know it's my fault or his, and probably will end up with a big disaster which I couldn't control. I do afraid that this will be happened in a very short period of time.
Love or not to be loved, when you love someone after certain period of time (or I shall say, love probation period), I believe that most of human being will give out all the best to the one who they loved to show how important that person to yourself. But somewhere somehow mistakes might be there when the party was too scare of your love (not controlling).
Today I'm just had a huge quarrel with my loved one, and today is one of my long-known friend's birthday, and both of us suppose to attend his birthday party, but due to today's incident, only myself will attend and I'm totally not in the good mood at all. While I'm writting this blog, I'm in the office to do some follow up from superiors in HQ. I do not want to think about this and just acept the fact that I might be single again soon.
Lastly, I'm really appreciated for those who keep in touch with me even though I'm "considered" myself MIA (Missing in Action) for quite sometimes. Thanks alot especially the 2 lovely ladies that I knew from my Uni last time. Love ya all. August 01 What Friends Are For?I really do not have definite answer about this question. In my entire life (for 28 years) I had met few type of friends, some are still alive, some are already dead (and I mean passed away), some are still keep contact, and some are MIA (Missing in Action)...
Friends - from the dictionary's definition.
Suddenly I had this thought in my mind, too many types of friends that around you, some are just make use of you while you are still useful. Some of them just want to chit-chat with ya, some of them that might seem so careful about you, concern about you, but in actual fact, he/she might betray you one day (I had experience this too many times)....
How much will you trust a friend? We always call he/she is my best friend, best buddy, best mate. We do not have any secrets among us. Are you sure that really do not have secret at all? I had used to say this word before, but I might be wrong in the future.
Sometimes I do hope that I better know no one to be my friend. I realised that sometimes I feel really happy when I didn't keep contact to some of my friends, just let it think what they wanna think, I'm not even respond to their SMSes or emails.
I might be too free today and nothing to do in the office..... that's why just put the blog here.... July 23 New Hair StyleJust get a cut from one of the PLU saloon in KL, actually this hair
style I wish to make it long time ago, but I'm kinda hesitate to make
it realized. So this time I decided to go for it (Just like the time I
want to have my body tattoo-ed and pierced my ears). Kinda satisfy with
the new hair style for myself. But some others said that I'm look like
a punk on the street. Anyway, I don't really care about what others had
said, just be myself and this is me..... Who cares....  July 18 1st Anniversary17/7/2006 - First year for both of us. Time does really fly very fast
yea.. Never expect it's been already one year for both of us that
staying together, the time is just felt like yesterday
We went to GSC at Times Square to watch Pirates of the Carribean, a
stupid and lamest movie that I ever watch in the big screen. Moreover
it's a long movie that last for 2.5 hours. And we had missed our dinner
However, we had the dinner at Blue Dragon at Cheras Business Center with housemates. We did enjoy alot of food over there (break diet rules for once). Also, thanks for my housemates that accompanied us to spend our happy moment together. I really appreciated it.
July 10 My GuestBook (For those who wanna attack me)First of all, this space is for those people who HATES me, likes me, love me or whatever reason about me. You may just write the comments here. I don't mind but not too offensive to me then it's ok.... I'm very scare one de leh..... Don't bully me ooooo.... |
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